There are only two emotions – love and fear.

I regularly come back to this saying from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist and author of the internationally best-selling book ‘On Death and Dying’ (1969). It prompts me to ask myself where my emotion, motivation or intention is coming from.

When it comes to design, I have hope that we all are designing for love. Because, surely, no one wants to design from fear?

At the centre of many of the problems we design for is a human relationship (whether interpersonal or human-machine). Many of us dedicate a huge amount of time to the technical aspects of a project, but what benefits could come from shifting the focus towards the interactions between people in order to understand and develop human connection opportunities (HCO)?

Why design for love and human connection?

You just have to look around. 

Firstly – the loneliness epidemic. As part of Jo Cox’s Loneliness Commission, a report commissioned by the Co-op and the British Red Cross reported that over 9 million people in the UK are always, or often, lonely. It also found that 10% of men experience loneliness and 200,000 people reported they had not had a conversation with anyone for over a month. This has a significant impact on health and the Department of Health have long recognised the associated financial costs. Loneliness is now known to be more harmful to your health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s astounding when you put it into a relatable figure like that. Designing for a little more love in everyday moments could start to fight loneliness, one interaction at a time. 

There is plenty of data and evidence to suggest that when people have the opportunity to come together with meaningful human connection they:

• Carry out whatever task is at hand to the best of their ability.
• Take great care of the experience of the other.
• Are far more flexible when it comes to changes in their expectations and problems in the process.
• Experience feelings of belonging, wellbeing and want to repeat the activity.

We often perceive removing the human element from interactions to be more efficient. However, when you consider the points above, it’s worth thinking about where creating HCO could result in more efficient and resilient services, as well as happier, more fulfilled people.

Providing an experience with greater human connection can create small mindset shifts towards ‘we’, rather than ‘me’. When we come together, work together and play together we can have a more positive impact than when doing things alone.

Where is the evidence that shows that human connection helps your health?

‘The village effect’, a Sardinia study by Susan Pinker, looked at all the indicators over a ten year period that people would live to be over 100 years old. Interestingly, it is not giving up smoking, drinking or healthy eating. Strong connections people have with their closest loved ones play a significant role. However, the research revealed that the frequency with which people have small, but meaningful, social interactions integrated into their daily life is the biggest predictor of a long life. This could be weak-tie relations with the postman, the barista, neighbours, the supermarket clerk. It shows the importance of face-to-face contact in our era of dispersed families and virtual connections.

Today, both digital and physical services are designing out human connection. This is known in the Service Design world as “frictionless”. It includes many of the ‘contactless’ interactions that now exist within our service experiences. Especially with the rise of AI, services are now generally designed to reduce HCO.

There’s a lot to be said for what I call ‘positive friction’. This is designing in more human touchpoints where users are asked to slow down and engage. It doesn’t have to be an actual human, it could be an audio message on a website as you’re filling out a complicated form, a photograph that pops up when you sign up for something, the tone of voice used in your messaging. 

Understandably, we all have different tolerances for the amount of ‘friction’ that exists in an experience. As the world has shifted towards ‘frictionless’ we have all become accustomed to a new reality with less and less human interaction in our day to day activities. Sometimes you just want to keep your headphones in and not make eye contact. On the tube, in the supermarket, walking down the street, it’s becoming more common to stay in our own world and get to our destination as fast as possible. However, let’s consider the evidence above from the Sardinia study that shows small, regular human connection is vital to physical and mental health. 

If we continue to lean towards designing ‘out’ rather than designing ‘in’ HCO by default, are we really creating a better environment? It’s a complex matter, with varying perspectives and factors that need to be considered, but I believe it is a conversation that needs to be had.

How do we consciously and carefully design for more love and human connection in our everyday lives?

At Deepr we created the Human Connection Framework to help people design ‘in’ human connection to everyday life. This came out of robust research with over 60 charities, followed by co-design and testing processes. We found five conditions that must be fostered for human connection to flourish:

• Presence
• Equality
• Accountability
• Autonomy
• Whole self

Over 40 methods and activities have been developed under these conditions that can be employed to build more human connection into services or internally within organisations, as well as a set of ten overarching principles that govern this work. 

Here are some points to identify where and when creating HCO might be of benefit to people you work with or design for:

Reduce separation

• When considering each element of your service or team culture ask – ‘Will this bring people closer together or further apart?’

Go fast, go slow

• Where there is little HCO, go fast and focus on ‘frictionless’.
• Where there is a HCO, see where you might be able to create ‘positive friction’.

Reciprocity 

• When you ask for something, could you give or offer something back?
• When you provide something, could you ask for something back? Enable your beneficiaries to provide value to you. It’s ok to ask for help.

Listen and mirror

• Rarely are we truly heard. Listening and recognising or repeating back what you’ve heard from someone inspires trust and a sense of belonging.

The last point I want to make I hope sums up this whole piece. Connection is one of the biggest opportunities you have to create a positive impact. Whether that’s developing trust, increasing sales, building a world class team or introducing organisational change. 

And crucially, connection starts with you.

Are you designing for love, every day? Where are you coming from when you make your daily decisions – a place of love, or a place of fear? 

How might you turn the dial just slightly towards love?